She will be here any day

Well I saw my dr Tuesday and was told I could go into labor any day now. If I don't have her by 12/11 than she is stripping my membranes and if that doesn't work (which I don't see why it wouldn't lol) than if I don't have her by 12/18 than I'm getting induced!!! I can't believe that our princess is going to be here soon!!! I'm going to be holding her in my arms soon & I can't wait!!

Not much longer

I had a dr's appt yesterday and since I have been dealing with a lot of contractions lately and actually not getting any sleep, my dr wants to check my cervix every week that I go in and see her. Last week I was dilated to about 2-3cm and today when I had my appt with her, I was dilated to about 3-4cm. I tested positive for the group b strep, which I tested positive for with Jackson and Aidan, so I know the routine on that one and how they do things. So around 5pm last night I started having more and more contractions. They were going anywhere between 2-5 mins apart. So finally around 7pm I decided that it was time that we go into the hospital. We get to the L&D and they hook me up to the monitors and check me. I was still only dilated to about 3-4cm, so she wanted to wait another hour before she checked me again. At first they thought that maybe I was dehydrated and that is what was causing the contractions, but that wasn't the case. My contractions were starting to come closer and closer together in the hospital, they were about a min apart and lasting about 1-1.5 mins, they were so strong that they were actually bringing tears to my eyes and I was getting so freaking tired. After an hour of having to go through all of that pain, the nurse came back in to check my cervix. Well you would have thought that I would have changed some with the way that the contractions were going, but nope...I am still dilated to only about 3-4cm. So she went and called the dr to see what it was that she may have wanted to do (either go ahead and admit me into the hospital or send me home with some pain meds) and she decided to go ahead and send me home and give me a shot of morphine. So I got the shot of morphine, then had to wait 30 mins before I could go home, because they had to make sure that I didn't have a reaction to the medication and then I got to go home. I have still been feeling the contractions, but it has eased the pain quite a bit, which is nice. So I am hoping that tonight I can finally get some kind of sleep since I haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep in the last almost 3 weeks. It's just so hard to believe though that our lil princess is going to be here soon. It just doesn't feel like I should be this far along and that she is going to be here before we know it.

Hard time sleeping

It's 1:45am right now & I'm having the hardest time trying to fall asleep. I'm just totally exhausted & I know that I am, but I can't seem to fall asleep...ugh I hate nights like this. Tonight I've been having contractions again, they are really uncomfortable :-( some people ask me how I can talk through them, easy lol I've had 3 kids plus I've been dealing with contractions since I was 9 weeks pregnant, so I'm fairly good at talking through them.

Stuck on bedrest

So on Monday I went back into labor & delivery because I was having contractions like crazy, they were going from 30 seconds to 5 mins apart. When we were there, they checked me and I am now 3cm dilated and still only 50% effaced. Well I started bleeding after my 2nd exam, which is normal. Well the bleeding went on for almost 24 hours, so I called the on call dr and she had me go in to get checked out, just in case something was going on. So we head in there and find out that my cervix was just irritated from being checked the night before, but as a precaution they gave me a 3rd Rhogam shot and then sent me home. Yesterday I an appt with my dr, she checked me again and determined that yes I am still about 2 1/2-3cm dilated. So instead of putting me back in the hospital, she is going to see me on a weekly bases now. Our goal is to just make it weekly now, instead of an every two week thing. At the rate that things are going, she thinks that Cheyanne is going to be here before we know it. So right now she has me on bedrest, I can go to any appts that are needed and I can run some errands, things that are minimal, but I can't go full on grocery shopping and do a whole lot of walking. So this is going to be oh so freaking fun =[

So much to update on

There has been so much that has been going on around here lately that I haven't been able to keep up to date on writing on here. Things with my pregnancy have been very hard. I went into the hospital on my birthday (October 9th) due to contractions. I was given some meds to help stop the contractions and I was checked and I was already 20% effaced and 1 1/2 cm dilated. I had a dr's appt with my OBGYN on October 12th (Jackson's birthday) and she decided that I needed to be put in the hospital and watched. So I went into the birthing center and got into our room. I was hooked up to all the monitors and everything. I was stuck on bedrest in there for the whole time that I was in the hospital and it sucked so much. I was finally able to leave the hospital on Sunday (October 15th) and go home. When I was discharged from the hospital I was 50% effaced and 2cm dilated. We ended up going back to the hospital that night because contractions were picking back up again. I was still only 2cm dilated at 50% effaced. Dealing with these contractions has brought back A LOT of memories from when I was pregnant with Matthew. I went into preterm labor with Matthew starting at 30 weeks and I was in and out of the hospital at least every day, to twice a day just to get the contractions to stop and that kept going on until I was 38 weeks along when I delivered him. It felt like the longest 8 weeks of my life! But he was well worth it, just like she is going to be well worth it as well. I can't believe that we are already in our 31st week of the pregnancy. It's just hard to believe that we are already this far into the pregnancy, I feel like we just found out that I was pregnant and now here we are, we are getting ready for our lil girls arrival that could happen at any point in time at this point. I had a dr's appt October 23rd and I am still 2cm dilated and 50% effaced, which is good, nothing has changed in the last week. I am now seeing my dr every 2 weeks and then at the end of November I start seeing her once a week, unless things start to change.

Things with Neil and I have been going pretty good actually. We haven't really been fighting or anything like that, so that's been really nice. We are starting to get a long a bit more, which is also nice lol Not that we were fighting all the time, but we would like literally fight over the most stupidest stuff ever, so it's nice to not be fighting over stupid stuff at this point. Granted we have our moments, but nothing like we used to have. He has been by my side through everything that has been going on with Cheyanne and having to be admitted into the hospital or having to go to the hospital all the time to stop the contractions. When I was in the hospital, he was right there by my side and was always there helping me through contractions and making sure that I was comfortable. Even when we are at home, he always makes sure that if I am going through a contraction and it's a hard one, that he is right there to comfort me and make sure that I am comfortable and that everything is going okay. He is always on top of everything when it comes to all of this.

Ultrasound and updates

On Monday we had an ultrasound and we were VERY lucky that we got to find out the gender of the baby =] My sister in law, Beth, went with me and it was actually pretty funny, because one minute we thought that the baby was a boy, then we thought that it was a girl lol but when the ultrasound tech went to go and see the gender, our precious lil one had it's legs wide open and you could tell that there were no boy parts lol so yep, we are having a GIRL!!! Miss. Cheyanne Elizabeth!! I was so excited when I found out that we were expecting a little girl. I wish that Neil could have been there for the ultrasound, but he had to go to work. But I did surprise him when I went to pick him up from work. Before I dropped my sister in law off I stopped at the store and picked up a cake and had them write "It's A Girl" on it. When I saw him come out to the truck, I got out and surprised him with the cake! He was so nervous all day that day because he just kept thinking that we were going to have another boy lol He was so excited when I told him that we were having a little girl.

I can honestly say that I have seriously been blessed. I have PCOS and was told that I wouldn't be able to ever have kids. I have been pregnant a total of 5 times, I would have a total of 5 kids right now and be pregnant with #6. God has blessed me though with 3 amazing boys and a precious lil princess on the way. Matthew was supposed to be a twin, but I lost the twin really early on in the pregnancy, so I had no clue that he was supposed to be a twin until I actually went into labor with him. Right before I got pregnant with Cheyanne, I found out in August 2011 that I got pregnant and lost the baby at 5 weeks. Dealing with cysts seriously suck! I hate having to deal with them all the time. Usually when I get pregnant I usually have to deal with the cyst for about half of my pregnancy and then they start to go away. But when I am just on a regular cycle, then things are just crazy. I can get one to two cysts on top of one another and sometimes they will both burst, or one will burst or they will both just go away on their own, it just really depends.

I'm A Survivor and so much more

So this is something that I haven't really talked about with a lot of people and because of everything that has happened to me, I will admit that I suffer from anxiety. From the ages of 4 to 26 I was abused in 3 different ways. From the ages of 4 to 13 sexually abused by my babysitters/neighbors son and my FEMALE cousin. Up until I was 18 and my parents divorced I was a victim of child abuse by my father. From ages 18 to 26 I was a victim of Domestic Violence from my father and my ex boyfriend. My dad used to beat on my mom on almost a daily bases. When I was 16 I started standing up for my mom and my two younger brothers and started fighting back against my dad. Yes I got my swings in and I broke his nose one time as well as gave him a black eye, but I also got hit in the mean time. I am no longer the type of person to sit back and take abuse. A lot of you may be wondering why I took the abuse for so long. The physical abuse from my dad finally stopped once I broke his nose for a 3rd time and the abuse turned to MORE mental, verbal and emotional abuse. The things that he would say to me, I honestly started to believe them for awhile. I thought that I was nothing, that I would never amount to anything. Then I got pregnant with my oldest son and that's when I put my foot down. When he would start dishing it out to me, I would shoot it right back out to him. That of course still didn't stop him from being that way towards me, but I tried not to let it get to me and if it did, I tried my hardest to make it not show. Things with my ex started off as ok, but he would still do the whole verbal and emotional abuse with me, the physical abuse didn't start until like a week before I left his stupid ass. The only reason I didn't fight back the times that he did it in front of the kids, is because I honestly didn't want my kids to see their mom beating on their dad, it was bad enough that they had to see their dad to it to their mom. When he would abuse me when the kids were not around, you better believe that I fought back and things were not pretty. I finally went and got a restraining order against him for domestic violence and he was not allowed within a 1000 feet of me or the kids. A lot of people have asked me if I ever turned to drugs or anything like that to help cope with this kind of stuff (working in 2 Mental Health facilities I would see that happen a lot), truth is, I have NEVER turned to any kind of drug or even drinking for that matter to help deal with everything that has happened to me in my life. My life was torn apart all those years, why would I want to continue to tear it apart by doing something so stupid like that. God has seriously blessed me with an amazing little family now. I have been married to a great guy for 5 years now, we have been together for 5 1/2 years now, we have been friends for about 10 years now. Together him and I have 3 amazing little boys with another little one due in December of this year. If it honestly wasn't for my two older sons (they are the ones that I had with my ex) I honestly don't know how my life would have turned out. It's because of them that I have a straight head and I think about them before I ever do anything stupid. I learned how to cope with all of this stuff. Yes I will admit that I still have flashbacks of all of this happening. I went through 4 years of counseling and it helped, but I knew that I couldn't keep going, I HAD to learn how to deal with this on my own and that is when I turned to writing in a journal. There are days that I can write anywhere between 10-20 pages an entry, because there will just be that much going on in my head and being able to write it all down helps me out so much.