She will be here any day

Well I saw my dr Tuesday and was told I could go into labor any day now. If I don't have her by 12/11 than she is stripping my membranes and if that doesn't work (which I don't see why it wouldn't lol) than if I don't have her by 12/18 than I'm getting induced!!! I can't believe that our princess is going to be here soon!!! I'm going to be holding her in my arms soon & I can't wait!!

Not much longer

I had a dr's appt yesterday and since I have been dealing with a lot of contractions lately and actually not getting any sleep, my dr wants to check my cervix every week that I go in and see her. Last week I was dilated to about 2-3cm and today when I had my appt with her, I was dilated to about 3-4cm. I tested positive for the group b strep, which I tested positive for with Jackson and Aidan, so I know the routine on that one and how they do things. So around 5pm last night I started having more and more contractions. They were going anywhere between 2-5 mins apart. So finally around 7pm I decided that it was time that we go into the hospital. We get to the L&D and they hook me up to the monitors and check me. I was still only dilated to about 3-4cm, so she wanted to wait another hour before she checked me again. At first they thought that maybe I was dehydrated and that is what was causing the contractions, but that wasn't the case. My contractions were starting to come closer and closer together in the hospital, they were about a min apart and lasting about 1-1.5 mins, they were so strong that they were actually bringing tears to my eyes and I was getting so freaking tired. After an hour of having to go through all of that pain, the nurse came back in to check my cervix. Well you would have thought that I would have changed some with the way that the contractions were going, but nope...I am still dilated to only about 3-4cm. So she went and called the dr to see what it was that she may have wanted to do (either go ahead and admit me into the hospital or send me home with some pain meds) and she decided to go ahead and send me home and give me a shot of morphine. So I got the shot of morphine, then had to wait 30 mins before I could go home, because they had to make sure that I didn't have a reaction to the medication and then I got to go home. I have still been feeling the contractions, but it has eased the pain quite a bit, which is nice. So I am hoping that tonight I can finally get some kind of sleep since I haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep in the last almost 3 weeks. It's just so hard to believe though that our lil princess is going to be here soon. It just doesn't feel like I should be this far along and that she is going to be here before we know it.

Hard time sleeping

It's 1:45am right now & I'm having the hardest time trying to fall asleep. I'm just totally exhausted & I know that I am, but I can't seem to fall asleep...ugh I hate nights like this. Tonight I've been having contractions again, they are really uncomfortable :-( some people ask me how I can talk through them, easy lol I've had 3 kids plus I've been dealing with contractions since I was 9 weeks pregnant, so I'm fairly good at talking through them.

Stuck on bedrest

So on Monday I went back into labor & delivery because I was having contractions like crazy, they were going from 30 seconds to 5 mins apart. When we were there, they checked me and I am now 3cm dilated and still only 50% effaced. Well I started bleeding after my 2nd exam, which is normal. Well the bleeding went on for almost 24 hours, so I called the on call dr and she had me go in to get checked out, just in case something was going on. So we head in there and find out that my cervix was just irritated from being checked the night before, but as a precaution they gave me a 3rd Rhogam shot and then sent me home. Yesterday I an appt with my dr, she checked me again and determined that yes I am still about 2 1/2-3cm dilated. So instead of putting me back in the hospital, she is going to see me on a weekly bases now. Our goal is to just make it weekly now, instead of an every two week thing. At the rate that things are going, she thinks that Cheyanne is going to be here before we know it. So right now she has me on bedrest, I can go to any appts that are needed and I can run some errands, things that are minimal, but I can't go full on grocery shopping and do a whole lot of walking. So this is going to be oh so freaking fun =[

So much to update on

There has been so much that has been going on around here lately that I haven't been able to keep up to date on writing on here. Things with my pregnancy have been very hard. I went into the hospital on my birthday (October 9th) due to contractions. I was given some meds to help stop the contractions and I was checked and I was already 20% effaced and 1 1/2 cm dilated. I had a dr's appt with my OBGYN on October 12th (Jackson's birthday) and she decided that I needed to be put in the hospital and watched. So I went into the birthing center and got into our room. I was hooked up to all the monitors and everything. I was stuck on bedrest in there for the whole time that I was in the hospital and it sucked so much. I was finally able to leave the hospital on Sunday (October 15th) and go home. When I was discharged from the hospital I was 50% effaced and 2cm dilated. We ended up going back to the hospital that night because contractions were picking back up again. I was still only 2cm dilated at 50% effaced. Dealing with these contractions has brought back A LOT of memories from when I was pregnant with Matthew. I went into preterm labor with Matthew starting at 30 weeks and I was in and out of the hospital at least every day, to twice a day just to get the contractions to stop and that kept going on until I was 38 weeks along when I delivered him. It felt like the longest 8 weeks of my life! But he was well worth it, just like she is going to be well worth it as well. I can't believe that we are already in our 31st week of the pregnancy. It's just hard to believe that we are already this far into the pregnancy, I feel like we just found out that I was pregnant and now here we are, we are getting ready for our lil girls arrival that could happen at any point in time at this point. I had a dr's appt October 23rd and I am still 2cm dilated and 50% effaced, which is good, nothing has changed in the last week. I am now seeing my dr every 2 weeks and then at the end of November I start seeing her once a week, unless things start to change.

Things with Neil and I have been going pretty good actually. We haven't really been fighting or anything like that, so that's been really nice. We are starting to get a long a bit more, which is also nice lol Not that we were fighting all the time, but we would like literally fight over the most stupidest stuff ever, so it's nice to not be fighting over stupid stuff at this point. Granted we have our moments, but nothing like we used to have. He has been by my side through everything that has been going on with Cheyanne and having to be admitted into the hospital or having to go to the hospital all the time to stop the contractions. When I was in the hospital, he was right there by my side and was always there helping me through contractions and making sure that I was comfortable. Even when we are at home, he always makes sure that if I am going through a contraction and it's a hard one, that he is right there to comfort me and make sure that I am comfortable and that everything is going okay. He is always on top of everything when it comes to all of this.

Ultrasound and updates

On Monday we had an ultrasound and we were VERY lucky that we got to find out the gender of the baby =] My sister in law, Beth, went with me and it was actually pretty funny, because one minute we thought that the baby was a boy, then we thought that it was a girl lol but when the ultrasound tech went to go and see the gender, our precious lil one had it's legs wide open and you could tell that there were no boy parts lol so yep, we are having a GIRL!!! Miss. Cheyanne Elizabeth!! I was so excited when I found out that we were expecting a little girl. I wish that Neil could have been there for the ultrasound, but he had to go to work. But I did surprise him when I went to pick him up from work. Before I dropped my sister in law off I stopped at the store and picked up a cake and had them write "It's A Girl" on it. When I saw him come out to the truck, I got out and surprised him with the cake! He was so nervous all day that day because he just kept thinking that we were going to have another boy lol He was so excited when I told him that we were having a little girl.

I can honestly say that I have seriously been blessed. I have PCOS and was told that I wouldn't be able to ever have kids. I have been pregnant a total of 5 times, I would have a total of 5 kids right now and be pregnant with #6. God has blessed me though with 3 amazing boys and a precious lil princess on the way. Matthew was supposed to be a twin, but I lost the twin really early on in the pregnancy, so I had no clue that he was supposed to be a twin until I actually went into labor with him. Right before I got pregnant with Cheyanne, I found out in August 2011 that I got pregnant and lost the baby at 5 weeks. Dealing with cysts seriously suck! I hate having to deal with them all the time. Usually when I get pregnant I usually have to deal with the cyst for about half of my pregnancy and then they start to go away. But when I am just on a regular cycle, then things are just crazy. I can get one to two cysts on top of one another and sometimes they will both burst, or one will burst or they will both just go away on their own, it just really depends.

I'm A Survivor and so much more

So this is something that I haven't really talked about with a lot of people and because of everything that has happened to me, I will admit that I suffer from anxiety. From the ages of 4 to 26 I was abused in 3 different ways. From the ages of 4 to 13 sexually abused by my babysitters/neighbors son and my FEMALE cousin. Up until I was 18 and my parents divorced I was a victim of child abuse by my father. From ages 18 to 26 I was a victim of Domestic Violence from my father and my ex boyfriend. My dad used to beat on my mom on almost a daily bases. When I was 16 I started standing up for my mom and my two younger brothers and started fighting back against my dad. Yes I got my swings in and I broke his nose one time as well as gave him a black eye, but I also got hit in the mean time. I am no longer the type of person to sit back and take abuse. A lot of you may be wondering why I took the abuse for so long. The physical abuse from my dad finally stopped once I broke his nose for a 3rd time and the abuse turned to MORE mental, verbal and emotional abuse. The things that he would say to me, I honestly started to believe them for awhile. I thought that I was nothing, that I would never amount to anything. Then I got pregnant with my oldest son and that's when I put my foot down. When he would start dishing it out to me, I would shoot it right back out to him. That of course still didn't stop him from being that way towards me, but I tried not to let it get to me and if it did, I tried my hardest to make it not show. Things with my ex started off as ok, but he would still do the whole verbal and emotional abuse with me, the physical abuse didn't start until like a week before I left his stupid ass. The only reason I didn't fight back the times that he did it in front of the kids, is because I honestly didn't want my kids to see their mom beating on their dad, it was bad enough that they had to see their dad to it to their mom. When he would abuse me when the kids were not around, you better believe that I fought back and things were not pretty. I finally went and got a restraining order against him for domestic violence and he was not allowed within a 1000 feet of me or the kids. A lot of people have asked me if I ever turned to drugs or anything like that to help cope with this kind of stuff (working in 2 Mental Health facilities I would see that happen a lot), truth is, I have NEVER turned to any kind of drug or even drinking for that matter to help deal with everything that has happened to me in my life. My life was torn apart all those years, why would I want to continue to tear it apart by doing something so stupid like that. God has seriously blessed me with an amazing little family now. I have been married to a great guy for 5 years now, we have been together for 5 1/2 years now, we have been friends for about 10 years now. Together him and I have 3 amazing little boys with another little one due in December of this year. If it honestly wasn't for my two older sons (they are the ones that I had with my ex) I honestly don't know how my life would have turned out. It's because of them that I have a straight head and I think about them before I ever do anything stupid. I learned how to cope with all of this stuff. Yes I will admit that I still have flashbacks of all of this happening. I went through 4 years of counseling and it helped, but I knew that I couldn't keep going, I HAD to learn how to deal with this on my own and that is when I turned to writing in a journal. There are days that I can write anywhere between 10-20 pages an entry, because there will just be that much going on in my head and being able to write it all down helps me out so much.

Life Lately

So lately things have just been so beyond the word crazy!! We are still in and out of the ER due to contractions. On the 4th of July we went to the ER because I started to bleed and through out the day the bleeding picked up and so did the contractions. Well Neil didn't want to risk anything, so we left my friends house and headed straight to the ER. By that time the bleeding stopped, but contractions kept coming and they were stronger. They gave me a shot of morphine and sent me home with some pain meds, after they did a bunch of tests and an ultrasound. So a few days go by and the bleeding starts to pick back up again, there is this feeling of fluid leaking out of me, I had a bloody mucous discharge (like my mucous plug came out), contractions started to pick up and with each contraction I seriously wanted to push like I was in actual labor. So they gave me IV fluids, pain meds, and anti-nausea meds. I had to have 3 doses of pain meds and anti-nausea meds because everything was that strong. They did a pap, ultrasound, blood work, and urine sample. I guess when they did the pap (and sorry if this is TMI to my readers) there was a lot of white discharge, like I had a yeast infection. So the dr, Neil and I were thinking "okay, I have a yeast infection and that is the reason why I am contracting". Nope, the pap cultures all came back normal, there is no yeast infection, not even a start of a yeast infection. So they did a mini cath and took a clean urine sample, thinking that maybe I have another UTI, nope, no UTI. During the ultrasound, I ended up having 3 contractions in the 5 mins that she had me back there doing the ultrasound. I used to have a cyst that was on my left ovary and it's no longer there, but it was there on the 4th when we went in. So the dr is thinking that the cyst burst and that is what was causing the bleeding and the fluid leaking out, but it won't cause me to have contractions. So we know for SURE that the cyst is gone and that I am in FACT in preterm labor. The only problem with me going into preterm labor is, they can't give me any meds to stop the contractions until 24 weeks...so I have about 9 more weeks until they can finally give me something to stop the contractions. Until then they have me on vicodin to help with the pain and trust me I know all about preterm labor, I went into preterm labor with Matthew at 30 weeks and was in and out of the hospital from 30 weeks to 38 weeks, sometimes multiple times a day to get them to stop the contractions. With Aidan I started preterm labor at 17 weeks, only it wasn't as bad as Matthew's was or this baby.

So things between Neil and I were kind of up and down, but since all this stuff with the baby has been happening, we have started getting a lot closer now. We are talking about things more and he is starting to get more into the pregnancy. I don't know what it is really, but I noticed that it took him awhile to even put his hand on my stomach, then the morning of the 5th (when we were heading home from the ER), I told him that I realized that he doesn't talk to the baby like he did with Aidan. When I was pregnant with Aidan he was always talking to him and with this one, he doesn't do it that much. It kind of makes me upset sometimes. When we are laying in bed or I am doing something, he will come up behind me, put his hands on my stomach and ask how his babies are doing (meaning the baby and I) =] which I just love when he does that, but I wish that he would get more into the pregnancy. I think that once he is able to feel the baby move, he may get into it more, I just wish that he was already that into it ya know?

What can I say about my 3 boys lol they sure do keep me busy and going all the time. Matthew is becoming such a big help to me now. He knows how many problems that I have been having with this pregnancy, so he has been right there helping me out with anything that I need help with. I can't believe that he is going to be 10 years old in September and then Jackson is going to be 7 years old in October and Aidan is going to be 5 years old in November, then we are going to be introducing a new lil one to the family in December. I am actually glad that there is a bit of an age difference between Aidan and the baby, it will make things a little bit easier, which will be nice. =] Well I better get going, gotta get some things ready for tomorrow, Neil and I are going to a car show with his 68 Cougar =] I will post some pictures from that tomorrow or Monday. Catch you all later =]

Such a big update

Hello, hello, hello! =] Okay, so I know that I was going to post an update every Sunday, but there has seriously been a lot that has been going on in our lives. Neil got laid off from work for about a month. We both seriously thought that we were going to be homeless, but we were able to make it through and Neil got picked up for another job! Then on April 23rd, I found out that we are expecting baby #4! It was a total shocker that's for sure lol I am due December 26th, 2012. I started having contractions at 9.5 weeks and are still having them to this day =[ trust me when I say that I get like no sleep at all!! There are days that they get so bad that I end up in the emergency room, but I will talk more about that a little later on in the update.

So, Neil got laid off from his job, due to lack of work that was coming in. He was on the out of work list for about a month before he was finally picked up for something, but he then lost that job because he missed two days of work. One day was because Aidan ended up being admitted into the hospital due to an intestinal virus that he had and the other day was due to the fact that Neil had to take me to the emergency room because the on call dr at my dr's office thought that there was something wrong with my appendix, we didn't get out of the emergency room until 2 in the morning and he was supposed to get up for work at 5am...there was no way that he was going to be able to do that. I think that it's stupid, because they said that he was a very good worker and everything. But this is one reason why I hate his line of work. They can lay him off at anytime and we don't have money saved up in case he gets laid off and some people just don't understand why. Um we are living out of a motel, that right there pretty much takes up a lot of Neil's paychecks. Even though I don't like the line of work that Neil is doing, it's better then nothing and I am going to support him in any job that he takes.

So as I said before, we found out that we are pregnant with baby #4, which came as a really big shocker to us. See a few years ago I was told by my dr that I was not going to be able to have anymore kids. The IUD that I had in managed to move and lodged itself into my cervix. Well since that happened, I started getting ovarian cysts like crazy and I have already had a big problem with them since I was 13. In August of 2011, I found out that I was pregnant the same day that I ended up having a miscarriage. Actually the miscarriage is how I found out that I was pregnant. That just totally crushed me right there. Neil and I had pretty much come to terms with the fact that we were probably never going to have another baby and we were okay with that. We decided that once we were on our feet and more stable that we would go ahead and look into the whole adoption process and look into adopting a little baby girl. Well I decided that I wanted to get the IUD put back in, what more could it do towards damage right? I couldn't stand my periods anymore, they were horrible, so I knew that the IUD would stop them. So I went in to my dr's appt, thinking that they would put the IUD in right then and there. Nope, I was totally wrong. She wanted me to wait till I got my period before they did anything. They were going to do a pregnancy test right there, but I told them that I didn't need to do one because I just took one a few days ago and it was negative.

So I was told that I needed to wait for my period to start and when it did to call the dr's office and get in there and they will put the IUD in. Well the day that my period was due came and went, okay, no big deal, that's happened before. But all of a sudden we were like 5 days into not getting a period. With my 3 boys, I kind of knew that I was pregnant and something was always telling me to take a test and that I was pregnant, but this time around, that wasn't the case. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant. I did have the sore boobs, but I just kind of brushed that off because that would always happen to me from time to time. One day on our way home, I told Neil that we needed to stop off at the Dollar Tree and I needed to go and get a pregnancy test. We came home and while he was in the shower, I went in and took the test, there was no way that I was going to be able to wait till morning to take the test. Within seconds we ended up with a BFP!! I just sat there on the toilet not knowing what to think or even how to feel. Neil was in utter shock as well lol but after we had like the first 3 ultrasounds, it finally kicked in that we are having another baby =]

I have been asked a few times if we are having twins, because even though I am only 14 weeks along, I am showing and waddling like a duck lol At first I thought that I could be carrying twins, since twins and triplets run on my dad's side of the family big time, but after my first trip to the emergency room and them doing an ultrasound, we saw only one baby. I don't know what I would do if we were having twins though lol I would probably freak out a bit hahaha This baby is really a blessing to us, especially knowing that we wouldn't be able to have anymore children. I know that God gave us this baby for a reason and I can't wait to meet our precious lil bundle of joy.

Things between Neil and I have been pretty rocky still. I honestly don't know what more I can do to help our relationship out. There are days when I just want to run out the door and say screw it, I'm done. But I am not the type of person to just sit back and not try to work on things. Right now my biggest thing is that he is getting after to kids about not stressing me out, when in fact he is doing it as well. When I try telling him something, he will start to argue with me about it, like that is seriously going to help my situation. I understand that he is stressed out, especially since he is the one who is doing everything around here as well as taking care of the kids, myself and working 10 hour days. But even when he gets frustrated with something or someone, he gets this major attitude and starts going off, like that is going to help me in my situation.

Weekly Update for 3/23-3/24

Sorry that this is a few days late on posting, but the internet has been a pain =[ but on with the post =]

Friday, March 23rd, 2012 @ 7:17pm

Well I wrote my welcome entry earlier today, so now I am going to write a bit of an update =] not like a whole lot has changed in a few hours lol So I went and got the kids from daycare and since it was so nice out, I decided to take them to the park to play for a bit, run off some of that energy I know that they have built up inside of them lol We were there for a good 2 hours, maybe a little less then that, maybe an hour and a half. So we ran to the store really quick to go get stuff to make hamburgers for dinner-yum! So glad we have a newave oven so that we can make some meats like pork chops, chicken, steak, etc. Right now I have the boys cleaning up the area their toys are in. Last night after Neil go to the hotel, I had the area in front of the beds cleared off where you can actually walk and not trip over crap! Well Neil takes his clothes off and throws them down in that area, which then pissed me off. That is like him putting his work clothes behind the front door, then it's a pain to open the door all the way and it irritates me to no end, especially if I am trying to walk through the door with groceries in my arms. Yes some will say I am being a bitch about the situation, but in all honesty, you would probably be mad too if you were the only one doing the cleaning and everyone else messed it up and don't clean up after themselves. That is one thing that Neil and I get into an argument about. With me having fibromyalgia it sometimes makes it difficult to keep up on the cleaning, all I ask for is some help keeping it clean after I have cleaned. And some people say it shouldn't be hard to keep a hotel room clean, but when you live in one with 3 kids, you have all of their stuff, plus yours, plus toys, all your clothes, their clothes and your food, it's a little hard at times, especially since you really don't have a lot of room for everything. There are times when I have to wash the dishes out of the bathtub, THE BATHTUB, because you just have a small sing that can hold maybe 3 plates in it and I have to wash dishes for 5 people, plus cups, silverware and what was used to make dinner that night. It's not easy living out of a hotel. Some people think that it should be a great life, because you don't have to pay for water, cable, electricity or a phone, so you should be saving money, but your not really. Others think it should be nice because you have people who come in give you clean sheets every day, make your bed, give you clean towels daily, clean your bathroom and take out your garbage, but honestly it sucks ass!! I hate it! My kids have no room to play, if it's raining or cold outside, they can't go out and play, so they have all of this built up energy. I feel bad that they can't do any of that or they can't go in their own rooms to play, but when you have to pay $273 a week for a hotel room, plus $175 for a storage unit, plus a truck payment, plus gas, and you are doing this all on one person's income, you can't really put a penny aside.

Welcome To My Life

Welcome to my blog and my life! I have decided to start writing this to show everyone the struggles that families do and are currently going through. We are one of those families going through those struggles. I am a mom to 3 busy boys (ages 9, 6, & 4). I am also a student. I have a medical condition called fibromyalgia, which causes me to be in constant pain, which makes things hard at times to care for my kids. We lost our home back in June of 2011, the owner wanted to sell the house. We stayed with my mom for a month and a half, before we left in mid July and moved into a hotel. We are just 4 months shy of living out of a hotel for a year now. I will be the first to admit that living out of a hotel sucks. My kids, nor myself, have our own rooms, we really have no place for our clothes, we all share one dresser and it sucks, we have a mini fridge, so it barely holds anything. But I will save the rest of that for later.

We are having so many financial problems that the stress alone from that is tearing my marriage apart. We fight so much about it all. Our financial problems got even worse after I lost my job.

This blog isn't only going to be about our life, but things that mean something to us, things that matter to us.

I plan on updating once a week, every Saturday (so that means a new blog entry tomorrow) and then starting on Sunday I will start my daily writing on things that are going on, so that they are ready for Saturday's when I post the new blog.

Thank you all that are following us. If you have any questions regarding anything, please feel free to ask and I will answer all the questions in my weekly updates. Please email the questions to mviert81@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you all with your questions and please pass my blog along.

Hugs & Loves,
Mandy